OCD.

Someone was sitting in my seat at church this morning. Yes, I have a seat at church. My name's not on it, but for the 2 1/2 years that I have been attending this church, I have been sitting in this seat. I moved just across the aisle to another open seat, but it just didn't feel the same...it didn't feel right. I didn't like the view from where I sat; the screen was in the wrong place, the band was in the wrong place, the pastor was in the wrong place...I was in the wrong place. I sucked it up and stayed until the end, but it reminded me of the last time someone sat in my seat. Both the seats in front and back of me were taken, so I had to sit in an entirely different set of pews. I moved to the left, I moved to the right, I moved downstairs; I became so consumed with being in the wrong seat that I actually just left. I couldn't take it, and in all honesty I was tempted to leave today.

I was faced with my crazy again as I walked into my bedroom. My room is a disaster, however my closet is immacculate; organized by type and color...all the black dress pants have their place; all of the red 3/4 length shirts have theirs. The tennis shoes and heels don't mix, and don't get me started on the strappy sandals and "party" shoes.

It doesn't end there; my books are organized by type...fiction vs. non-fiction...and arranged by height and width. The cd's are arranged alphabeticallly by genre, and the worst of it...my secret shame... I empty and re-load the dishwasher based off of my perfected system of space efficiency.

I wonder if they offer a pill for ridiculous.

January 16, 2002.

"Open January 16, 2007" it said. I'd forgotten all about it, but as I cleaned my room last night I stumbled across the letter I'd written 5+ years ago. Addressed to "Folayo Lasaki, wherever you may be;" I sat on my bed and read the words I'd needed to write in my room in Florence in 2002.

"Well you've finally opened the letter, year and years from when it was written. I hope it finds you in good standing...There are so many questions I have about my future...you in the present are my answer"

I won't go into detail about the contents of this letter, but I will say that there is something profound about hearing what you wanted first hand. To see where you were versus where you are...to remember the things you thought you'd never forget.

"I go through the motions everyday...if any of this sounds familiar to you, then please--DO SOMETHING."

Some things are different; some things are the same. It was a good reflection, a good reminder, a good motivator. I look forward to checking back in with myself in another 5 years.

Nothing to do but complain.

It's been a while since I've put anything up here, and it's not that I don't have anything to say it's just that everything I think of is so boring. Relentless whining and restlessness...I may as well put up a post that says "WAH WAH WAH, BOO HOO BOO HOO, I don't know what I'm doing with my life!" Well, enough already!! From now on, no more complaining...only looking forward to where I want to/will end up. Let's face it, the mid 20's are a sucky time. Most of us are uber poor, have a lack of or inconsistency in direction, and are convinced that everyone except ourselves has it all together, but it's also the time where you have the freedom to become who you are going to be. So, from now on the days of "nothing to do but complain," are over. If you hear me whining, I give you permission to punch me in the stomach...well, not really. If you punch me, you should expect to get punched back, but you get the point.